I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
