Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
