I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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