I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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