The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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