We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
