it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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