There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
