Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
