She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
