Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
