It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
