I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
COCAINE IS GR8
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
