shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
