even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
