Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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