i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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