who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
