You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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