whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
