you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
