Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
