The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
