matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This baby is an asshole
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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