Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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