I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ok first of all what the fuck
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
