I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
