GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
