I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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