ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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