she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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