i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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