i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
