There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
