I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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