Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
