Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
