that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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