I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
