Quick, to the slutcave!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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