I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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