I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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