he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Couch. On fire.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
