In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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