You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
