i jhust puked up my retainher.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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