Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
