a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
