Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
