I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
