i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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