There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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