u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
