He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
