Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So much rum. So many feels.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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